WTF???

I seem really good at fucking up things recently. I am not good at expressing my ideas or thoughts. That what this blog is for. Just to get it out there, maybe not the clearest, but it still helps just writing. I screwed up something again. I am getting good at this. I dont know why I did it. I guess I do. Because I thought I was right. Well thats a no. I just wanted to show someone and now they are mad. Or at least I think so. I fucked up. God forgives me. I am human and will constantly screw up, most of the time not trying to. The question I have is how many times do I have with people. Cause I almost want to never say anything and die. Yes not saying anything is being dead. I wish I could not screw things up. I think I shall just keep my mouth shut. I fucked up. I now see why so many people dont like me. I really dont like me. *Aside I feel so bad I just want to make cookies and deliver them to the person that I pissed off. Not as a bribe, but to say I am sorry * I shut people down so well. I just shut them down. So I guess you cant fight when I am not willing to let you fight. The more I screw up the more some new pills sound good. They would help me not be so bad at shuting people out. No they cant fix everything they can atleast help me fight. I fucked up. I want to give up. I almost want the other person to give up, just so I can not see them again. I fucked up. I fall into Gods arms, he loves me. Even when I dont love me. I wish I could apologize. It would look like I am trying to bribe them tho. I am not. It makes me happy when people like what I made them. I am sorry. I fucked up. I am going to go to bed now. I dont love me. God does. If I am lucky so does the person that I screwed up with. Actually I would like him to be mad, I deserve it. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.